Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
