I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
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I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
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its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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