i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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