Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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