You made me cry and you don't even care
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
