wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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