nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
