apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
