How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
