Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
