bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
