i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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