Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
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why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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