i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
