You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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