Where did you get a picture of my penis
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
