nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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