i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
