I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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