I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
