omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
