just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
