Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
