what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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