her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
