So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
