mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
