singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
