the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
