Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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