I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
