We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So squirting runs in the family.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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