Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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