dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
