Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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