If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
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She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
As shirtless as possible
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We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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