Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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