i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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