When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
