Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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