Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
