There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
what day is it and did you see me today?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
