proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
