I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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