I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
