while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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