butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
