Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.