Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.