i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.