All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I didn't notice because vodka
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.