xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.