We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.