She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
