i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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