what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
