Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
