I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
