yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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