pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
