I'm sorry my penis didn't work
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
