On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
