i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
