I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
