I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
