Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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