and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
God I need to hump something, right now.
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