Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize