I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
