that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
