I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
